How do you take a break if you can't sit on your ass?
Good question, and normally at this time of year I take a few days of breathing space from filming to eat, drink, and goof around. This year is a little different. It's the first time since I started my YouTube channel that I've really felt the need to stop completely and take a proper rest.
The events of the past year have been strange, stressful and for some, tragic. As someone who has been less affected by the COVID pandemic than others, I have weathered the storm fairly well, and it's the happenings of the last few months that sent me over the edge. I'm tired, I look every day of my age, my diet is terrible and I haven't exercised properly in well over a month. My sleeping pattern has gone out the window too. Granted, that's nothing unusual for me, but this run-down state has resulted in the first cold sore (herpes simplex) I've had since I moved house almost a year ago. That there is the Red Flag.
But I have a far bigger problem than all of this. I can't sit and do nothing. I'm not physically capable. I was brought up in a household with a strong work ethic and two self-employed parents. Unsurprisingly I married someone with the same outlook, and have also been self-employed for a number of years. I get bored easily. I get 'the guilt', especially when my husband has been up at all hours of the night checking newborn animals and sleeping on the sofa. I cannot stay in my pyjamas all day watching Netflix, I just don't have it in me.
Take this morning as I sit and write: It's 8am. I had a 'lie in' until 7:30 this morning, but from the moment I opened my eyes my brain started ticking over and mentally preparing a list of tasks that I need to do, should do, and would be good to do. And let me tell you, it's a doozy. I cannot lie in bed if I'm awake. I've sorted laundry, tidied up the pile of decorations I took down yesterday (today's task no.3 - pack them and store them away), sorted more laundry, swept the utility room and made myself a cup of tea. And now I'm here.
No matter what I do, my brain is geared to 'get ahead' - there are always things that need done, and as someone self-employed, that's always the the thing. Time is money. The major flaw in this thinking is that when we are successful and chop down that list with our mighty to-do axes, we conjure up a raft of other things to take its place, and more important things like our own wellbeing suffer, and we also end up with a list longer than what we started with, sending us straight back to square one.
So how to deal with this? My husband used to mock me for being a chronic list-writer, but even in this situation it's helpful. It's about prioritising, and when trying to take a break the priority categories have to change in the ranks. Normally work is right at the top of the list for me, straight after my dogs and my husband. Right now, husband and work are shunted down the pecking order in favour of me. (*feels guilty even typing that sentence*)
I have three lists: One I write daily that has chores/jobs/tasks that must be done, either because they are time-sensitive, or they are an absolute essential. Feeding/walking the dogs, for example. An hour working on my taxes which are due at the end of January. The second list is things I should do, like household chores, or updating the website. These jobs will not be the end of the world if not completed, but definitely a good thing to get done.
The third list is the fun list - things I'd love to do. Like paint. Or play the Xbox. Check out my new VR headset. You get the idea. While I always write these lists, when taking time off they are weighted differently. I make a plan covering off my daily list, and then see how much of the day is left. Rather than giving priority to the 'should do' list, I give priority to the fun list, so much more of the day is given to 'me time' rather than anything else.
I balance this out with maybe one or two 'should do' items to keep things ticking over, but my days for the next week or so will be heavily weighted towards that fun list. I pepper the must/should tasks in between heavy chunks of fun stuff to keep my days fairly relaxed and it seems to work for me.
Teamed with no alcohol, a regular bedtime and better eating habits, I'll be raring to go in no time. It might not be what other people perceive as a proper break, but it works for me.
I'm off to write another list.